Alternative Fuel

People sometimes ask me why I seem hostile to alternative medicine. I have come to accept that I am at least somewhat, but no more so than to all other areas of human behavior where stupidity wins out over reason. Is calling it stupidity a bit harsh? Not really. Medicine, as it is practiced in the Western world, is those things which have been demonstrated to promote health. Safe and effective are the watch words. Alternative medicine, by definition, must be something else. Either it is not safe, not effective, or neither. Given a choice between medicine and not-medicine, how can opting for the latter be considered anything other than stupid? And don't give me that crap that doctors don't prescribe herbs because they can't make money off them. Every doctor I have ever gone to told me to eat right, sleep right, exercise every day, and get plenty of fluids. If the medical establishment were only in it for the money why would they dispense such patently unprofitable advice?

Fortunately I thought of the perfect idea to coax the alternativists back towards common sense. The next time you hear someone buying some remedy they heard about on Oprah, or at the beauty salon, or from tabloid, suggest they buy two: one for them and one for their car.

"If you take a gram of St. John's Wort, put a gram in your gas tank as well."

"But that's nuts. I might kill my engine!"

And that's just the point, isn't it. There are a bunch of people on this planet who would rather risk their own life than their car. Stupid? Yes. Given a straight up choice I'd rather put Ginko Biloba in my gas tank than in my mouth. I can always buy a new car.

I figure one of two things will happen. Either this approach will work and the snakeoil salesmen will be banished back to their caves, or I've got a new career ahead of me. Alternative Car Medicine. I can see the book titles now. Ten Things Exxon Does Not Want You To Know! Clean Dirty Injectors with Catnip Extract! Improve Your Gas Mileage with Nigerian Seaweed! Extend the Life of Your Brake Pads with Coconut Oil! If I can get the same legal untouchability as the food supplement industry I could make a killing. Probably literally.