Wrong Reasons, Right Conclusion

I noticed a problem in my house. There are spiders in the attic. Big, creepy, crawly spiders. As a matter of fact I am certain they are poisonous brown recluse spiders. I know this for two compelling reasons. One, there is the corpse of a small bear in a pile of my sisters old stuff. Two, I know that brown recluse spiders have a penchant for hanging out in warm, well-lit spaces.

Brown recluse spiders represent a clear and present danger to the rest of the household. It is clear what I must do. I bring together the rest of the family and attempt to urge them into action to remove this spider menace from our house. Surprisingly they are unmoved. I walk them slowly and persuasively through the dead bear and the habitat arguments, but try as I might I can't get them to go along with me. Eventually I am forced to act. I set a large fire in the basement.

So now it's an hour later, the house is a mass of flames and frankly the fire department isn't having much luck with it. Astonishingly the family seems to be pissed at me. In retrospect they are right and what I presumed to be a dead bear was actually a stuffed bear that had never really been alive. And yes technically brown recluse spiders actually like cool dark spaces so maybe my spiders weren't poisonous after all. So the reasons for setting fire to the house were dead wrong, but that's beside the point. Clearly those spiders in some way represented a unique threat. They had to be dealt with regardless of the cost. Yes there are a lot of spiders in a lot of people's houses, but were not talking about them. We're talking about my spiders and you have to admit the world is better off without them. Right?